The Solitude of Migrants' Wives: What Solution Do You Propose?

Married to men who emigrated to the West, thousands of Senegalese women spend years without seeing their husbands. They must deal with family pressure, financial hardships, and the lack of love. Sitting on a beige leather sofa, her long legs swing over the armrest. It is in her living room that Awa (names have been changed) tells the story of her life as a wife married to a “modou-modou,” as emigrants are called in Senegal. The couple has a 3-year-old boy. His father has never seen him. Until now, due to lack of documents, he has not been able to return to Senegal. Returning would mean risking not being able to leave again. In the meantime, daily phone calls and video messages from life here maintain the connection. Awa wonders: “In ten years of marriage, we have only lived together for four months. Without this separation, how many children could we have had? How many things could we have done?” Indignation takes over when she talks about how hard and humiliating it is to obtain a tourist visa to visit her husband. Awa waited three years before being able to travel during her vacation.

They Haven't Seen Their Husbands for Two, Four... Even Ten Years

Her story is that of most women from Louga, 200 km north of Dakar, the capital. In this city of 200,000 inhabitants, emigrants are numerous. Pushed by family and friends, many young girls believe that by marrying a modou-modou they will have no material concerns. And while the global economic crisis has complicated this idea, the ideals remain persistent. Awa says: “Among themselves, girls say: 'If he is not an emigrant, do not marry him.' Some even leave their boyfriends for a modou-modou they barely know.” The model is so deeply rooted in society that in the Fouta region (northern Senegal), “men complain that they can't find wives because they are not emigrants,” explains Fatou Sarr Sow, a sociologist specializing in gender and migration. Along the roads, large villas are sprouting up, and the latest models of 4x4s parade through the streets of this village-like town. Emigrants who have made a fortune are far from the majority, but they sustain the fantasy. 15,000 to 20,000 men from the Louga region are in Europe (mainly Spain, Italy, and France), and 5,000 to 6,000 in the United States, according to Amadou Fall, deputy mayor of Louga, responsible for Lougatois abroad. Young people are fleeing a 60% unemployment rate. Like in the West during wartime, a large majority of the town's population is made up of women who have not seen their husbands for two, four, six, or even ten years.

“I Asked Her: 'Who Got Married?' She Answered: 'You Did'”

Awa is an exception, as her union is a love marriage. At 13, Fatimata was forced into marriage by her aunt, who was convinced that a union with a modou-modou would guarantee financial income. According to Captain Moustapha Ndour, commander of the Louga regional gendarmerie company, from 2008 to July 2010, three-quarters of marriages with emigrants were forced marriages. Today, Fatimata is 20 years old. She has been demanding a divorce from a husband who ignores her. Sitting cross-legged on her employer's bed, she proudly recounts her marriage: “One day, I was chatting with my friends on the terrace. My aunt came with kola nuts, which are traditionally distributed to celebrate a marriage. I asked her, 'Who got married?' She answered: 'You did.'” In Islam, the presence of both spouses is not required to celebrate a marriage. The teenage girl sees her husband once, then he leaves again for Europe. Sent forcefully to her in-laws' home, no one supports her. For six months, her husband does not send money or call her. Three years later, she finally manages to get a divorce, made easier because they had no children.

A High Infanticide Rate

Consequences of these early and forced marriages include a high rate of infanticide linked to extramarital pregnancies. “These cases are related to migration issues. Husbands leave their very young wives for very long periods,” highlights Captain Moustapha Ndour. Since 2008, six known cases of infanticide have been recorded in the region, and Senegalese newspapers regularly echo these incidents. In Senegal, conceiving a child out of wedlock is considered shameful. Sociologist Fatou Sarr Sow states: “Infanticides often occur in rural areas. These women are in such states of depression that we cannot talk about a shocking act.” “Sometimes, infanticide is hidden by the family. Most often, these women bury their newborns, throw them in a well, or abandon them on the street,” reports the captain. In Louga, there are no associations or social services to help them. Touty Dieng is the only person who has channeled all the anxieties of these migrants' wives. For ten years, the old lady hosted a radio show, Confidences, dedicated to them. Twice a week, she read some letters sent anonymously by these women. Touty Dieng received hundreds and hundreds of letters. All subjects were discussed. Like those women chosen from a distance by men. In Europe, Senegalese men found them attractive in a video or a photograph sent to show the family's latest baptism. Marriage proposals followed, with few refusals. Awa adds: “For men, it's more practical. When they come back during their two-month vacation, they can immediately consummate the marriage. They don't waste time looking for a wife in Louga and preparing the ceremony.”

An Uncertain Future for Migrants' Wives

These marriages with emigrants continue to shape the dreams of many young girls in Senegal, but the reality is often far from expectations. Many of them, after years of hope and sacrifice, end up alone, without support, and with heavy responsibilities. Family pressure, isolation, and emotional instability have become the daily realities of these women. The rare visits from their husbands are not enough to fill the emotional void and the prolonged absence of their partners. This directly affects the well-being of children who grow up with an absent father and a mother often overwhelmed by financial and social challenges. In the absence of support networks, migrants' wives need to find solutions for their own economic survival and to meet the needs of their families.

Women Taking Charge

Some women decide to take their future into their own hands by starting local business activities. They engage in small ventures to compensate for the lack of financial support from their husbands. There are inspiring examples of women venturing into the sale of handmade products, agriculture, or even crafts. These women demonstrate immense courage and determination to overcome hardships and provide a better life for their children. For Fatimata, her divorce was an opportunity to start her life anew. She enrolled in sewing classes and managed to open a small workshop in her neighborhood. Today, she proudly talks about her regained independence and her ability to support herself. This journey, though full of obstacles, allowed her to break free from her husband's shadow and assert herself as an independent woman.

Towards a Change in Mentalities

However, it is evident that the social pressure pushing young girls to marry emigrants must be challenged. Sociologist Fatou Sarr Sow advocates for community awareness of the consequences of forced and long-distance marriages. There is an urgent need to develop support programs for migrants' wives, including psychological support services and professional training workshops to help them thrive and realize their potential. Moreover, the role of the media is essential in changing mentalities. Radio shows like Confidences by Touty Dieng have shown that it is possible to create spaces where these women can express their fears and hopes. The multiplication of such programs could help break the taboos surrounding the solitude of migrants' wives and raise public awareness of their living conditions.

Community Solutions to Break Isolation

It is also necessary to strengthen community initiatives aimed at breaking the isolation of migrants' wives. Women's associations, for example, could play a crucial role in creating support networks and promoting local solidarity. By organizing workshops, training, and community events, these associations can help women come out of isolation and develop skills that will allow them to assert themselves socially and economically. The support of local authorities is also essential. It is crucial to implement economic and psychological support programs for these women to help them overcome the challenges they face. Authorities can collaborate with NGOs and international organizations to fund projects aimed at improving the living conditions of migrants' wives.

Changing the Perception of Migrants

Finally, it is also crucial to change the perception young girls have of emigrants. Rather than seeing them as a guarantee of financial security, they need to understand the realities of the trials and sacrifices that emigration entails. Many men who leave for abroad end up struggling themselves, with precarious jobs and living conditions far removed from the dream sold by societal ideals. The stories of these women, though painful, carry hope. Their resilience in the face of adversity and their ability to take control of their destinies show that, despite the obstacles, they can overcome difficulties and build a better future for themselves and their children. But for this to be possible, society as a whole must commit to supporting them, listening to them, and creating conditions that will allow them to live their lives fully. Only through this collective awareness can the solitude of migrants' wives find a sustainable and humane solution.