Communicate for a Fulfilling Sexual Life: Secrets to a Successful Intimate Relationship

The key to a fulfilling sexual life may lie primarily in the art of communication. But within a couple, it's often easier to express what you like or what particularly excites you, what you'd like to try, or what you fantasize about than to point out what's not working in bed, what prevents you from letting go, experiencing pleasure, or truly thriving sexually. In short, in bed as in life (perhaps even more so), it's always harder to criticize than to compliment, yet sometimes the balance of the relationship depends on it. Choosing the Right Moment (or the Least Bad One!) Before announcing to your partner that their caresses or actions don't affect you, it's best to tread carefully. In remarks like this, and in anything concerning sexuality in general, always act with the utmost tact, as these are very sensitive topics—your partner's pride, femininity, or masculinity are often at stake. This doesn't mean you should remain silent forever! The first step is to choose the right moment. You could try gently slipping in some remarks during the act, but this is risky. For example, if you tell your partner that what they're doing doesn't work for you, don't let them continue for too long before mentioning it—they could feel very offended or even ridiculous. In any case, they'll feel deceived if you've been pretending up until then, making them think you enjoyed their caresses. Another issue is that they might retain a negative memory of the experience, which could affect future encounters. The best option might be to wait for a calmer moment when the discussion can take place without any power dynamics. Treat it as a kind of assessment of your couple's sexual life, and don't hesitate to ask your partner questions too—it'll go much smoother if they also get a chance to express themselves. Emphasizing Your Feelings To prevent your partner from feeling under attack, avoid direct accusations like "you hurt me when...," "you don't excite me when you...," "you always have the bad habit of..." Instead, focus on your own feelings: "I'd really love it if you did this or that," "I'd find it amazing if you could do this like that," "I feel really uncomfortable when you ask me to do that." It's important to know how to set boundaries! Sending the Message Indirectly Words can sometimes be hurtful, so avoid blunt terms, especially if they might embarrass your partner. If you struggle to articulate things, try sending the message through gestures, kisses, or by guiding your partner's hands or mouth, for instance. You could also use moans and silences to convey what you like or dislike. In that case, don't hesitate to emphasize a bit more so you can be understood clearly. Always Value Your Partner Despite Everything When you decide to point out what isn't working in your sexual relationship, remember to balance it by emphasizing what DOES work (hopefully there are positives!). You can even flatter your partner a bit, saying that what is good is REALLY good. Keep in mind that when it comes to sexuality, there is no right or wrong—there's no absolute truth, and your partner's point of view is as valid as yours. What pleased a previous partner may not work for you—it just needs gentle correction. Letting Go of Inhibitions To be able to tell your partner what you like or dislike, it's essential to be comfortable with yourself. Don't be ashamed of your preferences, desires, discomforts, or even your deepest fantasies. Be assured that you're neither strange nor different, and that you have every right to like whatever it is you enjoy. Don't force yourself to do things that bother you just because it seems to be the norm. Everyone has their preferences and fantasies, and the key is to convey that gently to your partner. If you're with someone who is understanding, the bond will only grow stronger, and pleasure will follow.